The Introvert’s Guide to Living Truthfully Pt 2/3 – 5 Techniques to Socialize in an Extroverted World

In Part 1, I talked about how the world is lying to introverts every day by telling them that they aren’t fit for an extroverted world.

I discussed what an introvert really is, and why their attributes have nothing to do with being anti-social.

Socializing has to be seen in a different light for the introvert.

Instead of seeing socializing as a chore, introverts must see it as a necessity to expand their minds, gain inspiration, and influence others.

But the real challenge for introverts is not the act of going out — it is the act of staying out and enjoying themselves for an extended period of time.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve found techniques that have not only helped me stay out longer, but have also helped me appreciate extended socializing even more.

By incorporating these 5 techniques, I’m able to continually break outside of my comfort zone, learn more about myself and the world, and socialize even when I don’t feel like it.

Here we go.

1) Lead the event

Be the host.

Simple, yet extremely effective.

When you’re the host, you are keeping yourself busy by doing many different things.

You are making sure that other people are having a good time, making sure that everyone’s got a drink in their hand, making sure that people are getting connected with each other.

You’re providing an insane amount of value to everyone around you. And because of that, you’ll stay internally motivated throughout the party.

You are the designer. You invite the people that you want to see and you do the things that you want to do.

This is the simplest, yet most effective technique for enjoying yourself at social events.

If you can’t be the host, help the host. Help them set up, pick music, cater the event, or whatever.

Ask him, he’ll be grateful.

2) Have a purpose

Everyone socializes for a reason.

Figure out what yours is and make it specific.


-Meet the CEO of the company and talk about his favorite hobby(you did your research, right?)

-Catch up with an old friend

-Unwind from the stressful week you had and just relax

-Meeting more people of the opposite sex

By setting a purpose, you now have a mission. Socializing is now like a game, and games are fun.

They make life exciting.

If you don’t have a purpose when you’re socializing, then why are you doing it?

If you’re doing it just to pass the time, then you have something more important that you should be doing.

Don’t waste your time.

But when you set a purpose, your actions start to automatically align with that purpose.

And you’ll start to have more fun while you’re out.

3) Eliminate small talk.

Small talk sucks, so don’t do it.

You naturally lose energy by talking about stuff that you don’t really care about, so why do it when you’re losing energy already by being around a crap load of people?

Don’t do it.

Instead, ask open-ended questions and make them relevant.

For example:
“Hey, how are you?” “Good.”
turns into
“Hey man, tell me about skydiving trip you just went on. What was your favorite part about it?”

You aren’t a social robot, you’re socializing to build connections.

The more you eliminate small talk, the more fulfilling your social interactions will be and the less likely you’ll drain your energy from being out.

4) Change environments often

When I’m out socializing, one thing that I consistently do to keep my energy up is to change environments often.

If I’m at a bar for too long, my energy will start to drain and I just won’t feel like talking to anyone.

But by changing my environment consistently, I’m able to keep it up and keep socializing.

So before you start to lose your energy, keep your energy up by going to another bar or another venue.

Bring some people with you.

Or if you’re in a huge group of people talking about something boring, then leave and go find a smaller group to talk to.

An example: I was recently out to a bar with some friends when I noticed that not only my energy level was dying, but everyone in the group was as well.

So instead of calling it quits and leaving, I insisted that we all go to a hookah lounge a couple of blocks away.

It was a low key place where people could keep socializing, but in a more congruent atmosphere.

And it worked.

Change up your environment before it’s too late.

5) Leave

The last technique for staying social as an introvert is to realize when to call it quits.

I always thought that I had to stay out when I didn’t want to because I had a purpose to fulfill by meeting more people and going to more places, but that’s not always the case.

There comes a time in the night where no matter which venue you go to or no matter how good the conversations are, you’re beat.

You have no energy left, and there’s nothing you can do to ramp it back up.

You’ve reached the point of no return.

When this happens, it’s alright to leave.

At this point, you’ve met the people you’ve wanted to meet and done the things you’ve wanted to do. You don’t need to stick around.

The worst thing you can do is stick around and drag everyone’s energy down.

And since you don’t want to be there anyway, just leave.

The Takeaways

These 5 techniques are simple things that you can do today to keep yourself internally motivated to socialize longer than you normally would. They’ve helped me give myself permission to go out without expecting any type of specific outcome, and have allowed me to enjoy my time out longer than I normally would have.

If there’s anything to take away from the article, it’s that you should be the designer of your own social life.

Especially for introverts, socializing too much can be an extremely draining task..but if you plan your night knowing that, you’ll have a much more fulfilling time.

If you can’t plan your own night and are just going to a business event, then make sure you remind yourself of your purpose before you go.

It sounds too simple to work, but give it a shot, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.


Please share in the comments if you’ve incorporated these techniques or have other ways to stay motivated while socializing longer because it’ll help introverts socialize more

Image By: Stephan Mosel

  • Jack Peterson

    Great post brotha. I agree with pretty much everything said. I feel like most people are afraid to leave a party or social event “early” out of fear of being rude. But the truth is, if you talk to everyone you wanted to talk to, had positive interactions, met new people and did everything you wanted to do, then there’s no point in sticking around (especially if you’re drained of energy). Leaving isn’t going to offend anyone (unless they’re insecure, which is their problem. I talk about overcoming insecurities on my website here:

    Your friends may say, “why are you leaving so early?” But you can just say, “I just gotta get back home, I had a great time though and I’ll see you next week” or something of that nature.

  • Cassamamc

    Interesting article… I just moved 800 miles away from my boyfriend and all my friends, and am coming to the realization that I need to learn to socialize. I like my alone time, but six months of interacting only with my mother or the cashiers at Walmart is a little excessive even for me. I really wish I hadn’t taken the people in my life for granted, now, but I’ve never really enjoyed ‘hanging out’ as I am always trying to figure out what others are thinking about me, and I find the whole experience stressful and exhausting. I think I’ve subconsciously linked socializing to feelings of negativity and inferiority, so now the idea of speaking to people is altogether unappealing – but at the same time, I yearn for connection and the experiences only socialization can bring. Anyway, found your article inspiring :) I think I might attempt to go out to a bar or something for an hour or so… thanks.

  • Cinder

    Though I am a dudette, your article has given me better insight into my introverted self. It has also given me a sense of camaraderie since not many people feel this way. I definitely agree with having a purpose when it comes to doing, well, anything. It has worked out great on a few occasions, I just had trouble remembering to have a plan. I was always better at things when I prepared for them with a goal in mind, rather than improvising in the heat of the moment.