Do you ever wish you were more confident with girls? That you knew the perfect thing to say to a girl that you liked to make her like you back?
This has always been the case for me growing up. I always wanted to be more attractive to girls, and wanted to know what I needed to do to get there. What do I say? How do I act?
So I looked online for everything I could. I came across hundreds of articles and countless hours of videos. And you know what?
None of it helped.
I tried everything, and in the long run, nothing was consistent. Everything came off as inauthentic and I just didn’t feel like myself. I felt like a social robot. It just reinforced the feelings that I had before about myself, that I wasn’t worthy of attractive girls. That I was a nerd and a loser, and it killed my self-esteem even more.
Do you currently look for ways to pick up girls?
Have you been searching for that “one perfect technique”?
I did. I would continually look for that one answer. In books, articles, videos, you name it.
But within the last few years, I’ve found out that the pick-up lines and techniques were actually pushing me away from my goals.
More importantly, I learned that I can be the nerdiest of nerds and STILL be attractive. That I can still have high confidence with girls and not have to sacrifice who I am to do it. And I don’t have to use “pick up” lines and techniques.
In this article I’m going to show you how I figured this out, a la Rubik’s Cube: how learning to solve it actually HELPED my confidence with girls, and how you can apply this knowledge to increase your confidence as well.
The Beginning: The Impossible Rubik’s Cube
Most people have no idea how to solve a Rubik’s cube. They look at others in awe, and think that it’s a skill reserved for only the nerdiest of the nerds. They sit there watching how the hell someone could solve this 3D block of confusion is under a minute, let alone 5 hours.
Only insanely-smart people can solve it. Remember Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happiness? He was a genius because he solved a Rubik’s cube. Anyone who solves a Rubik’s Cube must be a genius, then, right?
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Solving a Rubik’s cube is actually an easy task. Once you learn how 3D space works and memorize some core rules, then you can solve the cube no matter how much a person mixes it up. Anyone can learn it — it just so happens that it appeals to certain, let’s say, demographic.
I’m living proof. I went from being the most confused kid on Earth to being nationally ranked in a matter of 3 months. Shocked? Let me explain how I did it.
Back in my Senior year of high school, I had a lot of free time. I completed the entire computer science curriculum at school, and as since I had free electives left, I opted-in for an independent study. That, on top of another study hall, amounted to 4 out of 7 hours of the day as free time. I’d already gotten into college, so I didn’t give a shit. It was awesome.
One day in one of my study halls, one of my friends brought in a Rubik’s Cube, and I watched him solve it. I said the same thing that anyone else would say…
How the fuck did you do that?!
Then, throughout my free hours of the day, I began to look up how to solve this pain-in-the-ass 3D puzzle. I’m a nerd, so being able to solve a Rubik’s cube should be on my repotoire. That’s like the #1 thing to put on a resume.
So I Google’d to look for instructions. Here’s what they looked like:
WTF? How is anyone supposed to be able to read that?
As confused as I was, I kept looking for different tutorials, and tried most of them out. There was a lot of different methods. Some said to do one step before another, and some said to just do both steps at the same time. Which one should I go with? Who knows.
But after looking at 5 different methods and seeing what they’re all about, I came to a realization that I had no idea would influence my confidence with girls later down the line:
I’m not supposed to solve this thing side by side.
Wait a second. I thought that I was supposed to solve the red side, then the blue side, then the yellow side, and then finish off the rest of the sides, like I tried to do it on my own the first couple of times.
No wonder I failed every single time at trying to complete the cube. I’d get a side or two done at best, but after that, I was completely lost.
It all makes sense now: I have to approach the cube in a completely different way than I thought. Little did I know that this would translate into being better with women…
There was one thing in common between all these methods: they all started with “the cross.”
The cross is exactly that — a cross on the bottom of the Rubik’s Cube. Each method says that you have to solve this first, and that it sets up the foundation for the rest of the solve.
EVERY single method started with this. It’s the basis for solving the cube, and without it, you won’t get very far.
This shattered my perception of how people solve the damn thing.
I thought that you’re supposed to solve each side individually. But instead of solving it side by side, you solve it like this: you pick a bottom side, start with the cross, solve that side, and then work your way upwards. The bottom layer, then the middle layer, then the top layer. Like the layers on an ice-cream cake.
The concept was consistent, no matter what the method was. Not side by side, but layer by layer. And the cross always comes first.
After I saw the correlation, my entire viewpoint on the cube changed. The whole entire process is different from what I thought — it’s just a different system.
Now I’m starting to get it. Now I understand that I can’t solve it the way I’ve always thought — I have to use this different mindset, start with the cross, and then work it up from there.
This has to be the nerdiest connection to getting better with girls, but as you’ll see, it makes perfect sense.
Becoming Nationally Ranked
We had been practicing hard on solving the cube, and we went from the beginner methods to the more advanced methods that speed cubers use — you know, the guys who solve it in 10 seconds or less.
And after completing the cube for a couple months, everything began to click. The process of solving it layer-by-layer became more important then the actually moves I was learning.
It was the simple change of my mindset that put the moves I was learning into perspective — they began to make sense on a deeper level. I began to understand how the cube actually works.
3D space started to make sense to me. Finally!
A couple weeks later, my friends and I saw online that there was a Rubik’s Cube competition an hour away.
Holy shit..this had to be the epitome of nerd. There I was in high school trying to be more popular, and I was going to a Rubik’s Cube competition? This had to totally kill my street-cred.
Fuck it, Rubik’s Cubes are awesome. So worth it.
When we walked into the conference center, we were shocked. We saw about 100 people at all different ages solving these cubes, the best part being that everyone looked nerdier then us. We aren’t so nerdy after all! Hell yeah!
But then we realized we were at a Rubik’s Cube competition…and that pretty much deflated our ego-boners.
Regardless, it was fun. We participated in the competition, and here were my personal results:
Under 30 seconds. Nationally ranked, motha fucka! As…1661 out of over 3000. Not top 10, but fuck it, it still counts!
But Max, what the mess does this have to do with confidence with girls?
Ah, yes, I’m glad you asked. After all, you’re more interested in being better with girls, not the biggest nerd on the planet, right?
Let me tell you.
Looking back on how I became “nationally ranked” as a Rubik’s Cube solver in just a few months, I noticed how the method of learning to solve it is exactly what it means to be more confident with girls.
In the beginning, I was so confused with the cube. So confused that I looked everywhere for resources on how to solve it. I’d try new methods out, see what worked and what didn’t, and kept on working on it until I did. I didn’t stop — I held on to that mother fucker for dear life. I even became so obsessed with it to the point where I took it apart and lubed it up so that I could solve it faster.
All nerdiness aside, the most important thing I learned was that solving it wasn’t nearly what I thought — the actual manner in which you solve it was against common knowledge. Instead of solving it side by side, it has to be solved bottom to top, layer-by-layer. This idea of “starting with the cross” just meant that I was looking at reality in the wrong way.
It’s the SAME thing with women.
When I first started looking into how to become better with women after high school, I looked at all the materials online that I could. How to approach girls, how to flirt with girls, how to impress them, etc.
Sure, some things “worked”, but in the long run, it was the wrong way to look at things. Just like the common misconception about a Rubik’s Cube is to solve it side-by-side, I thought that I just had to learn the right technique to win women over.
But had I known that the process was COMPLETELY different with women. Had I known to “start with the cross”, I would’ve prevented myself from having a lot socially embarrassing situations.
You ever get a look from a girl that says “aww, that’s cute…but in the most fucking pathetic way possible”? I got that one, a lot.
But after I applied a new mindset, my confidence skyrocketed and I started to get positive feedback from girls all around me.
My intuition kicked in and I was able to get the results I wanted with the women in my life.
Do you want to know what “the cross” is with women?
Let me give you a hint: It’s not a line, technique, or a short-cut. Or anything Jesus-related. But it is extremely powerful, and once you get it down, everything else starts to make sense.
Look at this dude, he starts with the cross while he’s solving his cube:
I’m going to tell you what it is, but first let me share with you a story on how AMAZING everything turns once you learn how it works.
Over the course of the summer after I figured this stuff out, everything started to get weird — in a bad-ass, eerie kind of way.
The first time I noticed it was when I was walking to work and opened the door for a woman behind me. She walked through the door, and once I walked through it too, she turned around and looked at me in a very feminine, yet direct way. I was really confused for a second — did I have a huge pimple on my face or something?
The words that came out of her mouth was the most shocking thing I heard in months:
“You have amazing eyes.”
Have you ever gotten a random compliment from someone…especially from the opposite sex? It feels incredible. Especially because it’s unexpected.
But that’s just the beginning. A couple days later, I was on a road trip with some friends and got off at a pit stop to get some food and drain the little kiddies off at the pool. There was only one place where I could get food that wouldn’t make me puke my stomach up — the salad place. The salad ingredients looked like they’d been sitting there for 5 years, but fuck it, it’s the only gluten-free area to eat in this joint.
So I go up to the counter and ask for the best salad they got. The female cashier-ista (that’s a word, right?) looks at me and says…
“You have amazing eyes.”
I was not used to this many compliments in such a short amount of time. I might have actually said “WTF” back to her…I don’t remember. I was like Will Ferrell in Old School during the debate scene: I had no idea what I said in response. But I woke up from the blackout with my salad, so I was happy.
A week after that when I was back from my road trip, I went to the local bar with some friends just to kick it and relax on a few drinks. I was riding the high from the previous couple weeks, and I couldn’t hide it. I walked in confidently with a wide smile on my face, said what’s up to my other friends, and went to the bar to go get a couple whiskey shots.
But something felt strange. You ever get that weird feeling that people are looking at you?
I felt that. Not in a creepy way, but I was wondering why people seemed to be looking at me more. People seemed to make eye contact with me more-so than usual.
Regardless, I was on fire and I could tell. I saw a cute girl from across the bar, and unlike my usual self, I just wanted to go say hey. I didn’t have any end goal in mind, I just wanted to see what she was like. So instead of replaying the scenario in my mind where she wouldn’t want to talk to me or get to know me, I just thought “hey..I wonder what’s she’s like. Let’s go find out.”
Turns out it was her 21st birthday and she was out to celebrate. We hit it off — I discover that she was fun, cute, AND smart.
Good thing I went to just go say hey..otherwise I would’ve missed out on meeting another awesome person. The best part is that we went on to see each other occasionally over the course of the summer.
It wasn’t just me imagining things: I definitely was on fire.
But the point is that it wasn’t all a coincidence. The times in my life where this has happened to me all are the times where I “started with the cross”. I didn’t go to get laid (guy mistake number one)..I just wanted to have some fun with the people around me. And it worked.
The New Mindset: Applying “The Cross” Concept to Women
..drum roll please…what you’ve been waiting for this entire article…
Surprise mother fucker!
Expected some crazy wisdom here? Another technique to use, perhaps?
Being more confident with women, and not surprisingly, everywhere else in life, requires a specific mindset.
It isn’t something that you can fake by using lines and routines.
It is simple, though: by working hard in other areas of your life, living a healthy lifestyle, and hanging around other awesome people, you WILL gain more confidence naturally.
Take this in contrast from looking up the next new pick-up line or reading the next pick-up article. Instead of working harder and harder trying to pick up girls, you just have to work harder in other areas of your life. In your workplace, in your gym, in your classes, whatever.
But by trying to look for the perfect technique and the perfect line to go talk to a girl, then you’ve already lost. You’re asking the wrong question.By trying to look for the perfect technique and the perfect line to go talk to a girl, then you’ve already lost. You’re asking the wrong question.
When you approach a girl with a technique or line that you’ve been memorizing for the last two hours, she is going to be immediately turned off.
Why? She will know that you’re acting out of a place of desperation, and that you’re not trusting your own intuition as a human being.
Don’t just trust me — ask any girl you know. She’ll tell you the same exact thing.
But when you prioritize your work life, your health, and your friendships, you’re setting yourself up the foundation to naturally develop your skills with girls.
As you prioritize, these elements become your center of gravity. They become more important to you than hooking up with some chick or getting rejected.
Remember, your purpose as a man isn’t to please a girl. It is to “fuck the world” with your gifts, as David Deida would put it (if you haven’t read Way of the Superior Man, read it..NOW).
And it’s amazing: when you build confidence in these areas of your life, and it will spill over to your confidence with women. It’s one in the same.
Without these priorities, you have nothing. With it, you have everything.
When you have your foundation together, it won’t matter what you say to girls. It’ll just matter that you’re coming from a place of strength and confidence. You won’t even care what you say to girls, and neither will they. You’ll just be having a great time, and your confidence will tell them everything they need to know about you.
You’ve had this feeling before in your life, I promise you. You just need to consistently remind yourself of it.
If you’re asking yourself what to say or what to do to act around girls, then you’re asking the wrong question. You should be asking yourself, “how can I become a better man”?
Sure, you might be able to “pick up” a women using lines and routines, but without the right mindset, it won’t work and you’ll be left with a bunch of meaningless, emotionless relationships. Regardless of what you want right now, you’re reading this article because you want those positive and passionate relationships that help you grow — not ways to take advantage of women.
But in essence, compare the Rubik’s Cube to Women. When you understand that to solve a Rubik’s Cube you don’t solve it side-by-side but rather layer-by-layer, the moves you make start to fit that big picture. When you learn to use techniques and lines with women without understanding why, you’re essentially trying to solve it side-by-side. You don’t get the big picture. So what is the big picture?
It’s not about being better with women, it’s about being a better man.
Set yourself up for the foundation — hard work, health, and positive friends. Otherwise, everything else you do won’t matter.Your work life will be more fulfilling, your social life will be more fun, and your relationships will be healthier. As a result, you’ll get better with girls naturally by just going to talk to them and being around other people who do the same.
It’s like a As-Seen-On-TV product: when you buy one, you get 3 free (plus shipping and handling).
Getting the results you want with women uses the same process it takes to solve a Rubik’s Cube. You HAVE to look at it in a different mindset. You HAVE to see that it’s not about lines and techniques. Otherwise, no method that you try is going to help you. It’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube side by side — it’s just not how it works.
It’s not about being better with women, it’s about being a better man.
Do you know a Rubik’s Cube nerd who wants to get better with women? Send this article to them..You could help them improve their confidence today.
Featured image by: Nina
January 27th, 2013 | Max Nachamkin | 5 Comments |
About The Author
My name is Max Nachamkin. My mission is to help you master the core three aspects of your life: your career, your health, and your relationships. I want you to conquer your own world and become the leader of your life.
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