UPDATE (7/16/14): The guide is currently being revised to launch on Kindle on Monday for FREE! Click here to make sure you get it while it’s hot. For now..here’s a small excerpt :)
Body language is one of the most important aspects of your life. And if you have positive body language, you’ll improve your relationships, improve your influence on others, and boost your confidence.
How do I know? Because I lived it. I saw the direct impact that my body language had on others.
You see, back in high school, I was frustrated with my social standing as a nerdy and skinny white dude. I was 5’7 and 120 lbs with a weak frame. I wore thin-frame glasses, spotted acne, and wore clothes two-sizes too big for me.
I was the typical no-class nerd. And I was okay with that…for a while. It seemed right to get good grades and do well academically and tell myself that “I’ll win in the long run” when I focused on my bookworm skills and ignored my social interactions.
But one day it dawned on me that there were certain aspects of my social life that I didn’t like, such as:
- Getting picked on by the older guys and not doing anything about it
- Watching those guys have all the fun, especially with the good-looking girls
- Not knowing what to do to ask a girl out to the prom
- Being shy and nervous around everyone that wasn’t a fellow nerd
So when I went to college, I made a promise to myself to get that shit figured out.
It was a long process breaking out of my social anxiety and Nice Guy Syndrome, but looking back, there were a few things that once I applied, changed the way people looked at me and the way I looked at myself.
Those aspects had to do with my body language. As in, the way I moved, talked, and carried myself on a day-to-day basis.
And instead of thinking for hours on end on the perfect thing to say, I saw how people didn’t care if I did something stupid when I had positive body language.
It was crazy how the way I looked at people, paid attention, and stood tall had a direct effect on my reality.
In the course of a couple weeks of concentrated effort in learning the different areas of body language, guys started respecting me and girls wanted to hang out with me. My anxiety revolved around people slowly started to disappear, and I excelled socially for the first time in my life.
This was like magic to me at the time. Remember in the movie Space Jam when the Monstars stole all the skills from the professional MBA players through the basketball? Yeah, well after I figured the whole body language thing out, I felt exactly like those Monstars.
All cheesy 90’s metaphors aside, I finally felt confident in who I was.
I remember overhearing a friend talking about me who said, “yeah, he’s a nerd…but he’s a nerd who gets it.”
If that’s not the ultimate compliment, I don’t know what is.
Now, going up to an attractive girl and telling her she’s cute? No problem.
Speaking my mind and telling a guy that he’s doing the wrong thing? No problem.
Throwing social events and making sure everyone is having a good time? No problem.
I laugh at how socially awkward I was back then now, but looking back, I notice the one factor that skyrocketed my ability to get this stuff figured out:
Powerful, masculine body language.
The Power of Impression
The impressions we have on the people in our lives determine our fate. It determines who we work with, who we live with, and who we date. But not only does it determine our impressions with others — it also determines the impression we have on ourselves.
We ask ourselves:
What type of person am I?
How do I want to come off to the world?
How do I become my best self?
The answer to these questions is manifested in our body language.
It defines our reality.
Think about this…
A study conducted by Dr. Ray Birdwhistle at the University of Pennsylvania concluded that 93% of human communication occurs non-verbally and unconsciously in feeling-based communication.
Not 50%, not 75%, but 93 percent.
Now, that 93 percent value certainly changes and is not “hard evidence”, but the fact is that your body language has an effect on your level of communication.
Have you ever heard that you know everything there is to know about someone within the first 3 seconds of meeting them? That’s why.
But what defines good body language? What determines that 93%?
In this article, you’ll learn what that 93% is made of so that you can develop strong body language characteristics and apply them to your life.
How To Use This Guide
For each area of body language, you’ll learn what it is, why it’s important, and how to put it into practice.
In order to keep your sanity, pick one area and focus on that area until it becomes second nature. For instance, if you see that eye contact is an area you should improve on, focus on your eye contact ONLY and nothing else. After around 30 days (perhaps sooner), it’ll likely be installed as a habit and you won’t have to focus on it anymore.
On that note, body language is a skill. And with any skill, it takes time to develop. It won’t become a habit overnight. Be patient.
Now, before you learn about the different areas, you’ll learn how body language affects your reality.
How Your Body Language Affects Your Reality
Your body language has a gigantic effect on how you show up in the world. It determines:
• Your connection with the people in your life
• The relationship with yourself
• Your ability to influence others
• Your ability to attract the women you want in your life
Scientifically, it works by affecting these two areas:
1. Your hormones
2. Your interpretation of reality (your emotional feedback loop)
Let me explain.
First, your body language controls the release of two specific hormones: testosterone and cortisol. Amy Cuddy, in Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are, demonstrates how both hormones are affected.
When you strike a “confidence pose”, these hormones start to help you. Testosterone, the hormone that controls confidence, gets a boost, while cortisol, the hormone the controls stress, drops.
So by consciously posing in the right way, you change these two hormones in your body. You increase your confidence and lower your stress, making you a more powerful and attractive person. Here are some power poses:
On the flip side, these hormones are negatively affected when you go into weak stances, like putting your hand around your neck or curling up into a ball. It goes both ways.
Now, take a look at the graphs below to see the change in hormones that occur when strike a “high power pose” or a “low power pose” for 2 minutes each. This is the scientific impact.
Yes – that’s right. When you pose with your arms in the “victory” position for 2-minutes, your testosterone goes up and your cortisol goes down. Frickin’ awesome.
But not only does your body language DIRECTLY affects the chemicals in your body, it also affects your habits.
It does this through modifying your feedback loop – the process through which you learn specific physical and mental behaviors that define your view of reality.
Basically, this is how it works:
Your thoughts influence your emotions, which influence your actions , which influence the outcome, which either gives you positive or negative feedback.
Regardless of the type of feedback, your perceptions are altered based on it. If it’s negative, your perception of reality is tainted. This in return affects your emotions once again, which reinforces your negative actions and body language once again.
This feedback loop happens all the time — when you’re at your job, with your friends, or with random people on the street.
So in order to create positive social outcomes in your life, you have to break the loop.
To break it, you have to consciously change your actions despite your emotions so that your reality can change, thus transforming your experiences into more positive ones over time.
The following body language aspects, starting with the most impactful, will help you do just that.